Busy turning around

Its been a long time coming. Bo Eng is really an understatement.

Work came, shit happened, I blamed myself and a viscous cycle ruled my life.

I always felt that things are within my control, that when something succeeds or fails you can find my imprint somewhere in that mess. That's how I motivate myself each morning when I pick myself up blurry-eyed from bed at five thirty, before the sun rise or when most of Singapore are still in their dreams. That I am responsible for the day's pickings and I have to ensure that everything I do is right, every single move I make is the correct choice.

How foolish.

When something fails I take personal blame and responsibility of the cause, much to the concern of my loved ones and the slight amusement of my superiors.

I got sick. I got short tempered. I distanced the people who cared for me and I kept wondering what can I do to improve myself.

All this continued until an incident at work woke me up. The sheer gravity of the issue finally made me realize my puny existence. That sometimes when shit happens, you just scrub it off the sole of your shoe and walk away. You cannot make the shit disappear, its there.

Alot of times it is easier said than done.

But I think I am easing it up alittle, if anything.

I need to read, write, drink, eat and laugh.

I am making an attempt to write at least twice weekly, to chronologicalize (is this an actual English word?) my life a little more. My memory can't serve me all that well.