Listening to the radio

I used to switch on the radio every night as I go to bed, listening to the soothing ballads and love duets under the empty darkened sky in the dead of the night, accompanying me to sleep with it's sweet lullaby.

Nowadays, my tight schedules and ever growing load of school work had me too tired to bother to twist the knob on the trusted late night buddy, letting empty silence fill the room when I close my heavy eyelids, too exhausted to notice something's missing.

I switched on the radio yesterday though, trying to calm myself to sleep despite everything that happened, I mean, I never thought I will feel this way when I see him. I always thought of how I will react when I see him and her with you, how I may falther or let something slip, but this time around, him?

But of course, I kept quiet, try to act non-chalant while all the time I was eyeing him and imagining him holding your hand, making you smile, sharing your life's every moment.

And then I started to crumble inside.

You said that you were very affected but trust me, I am much more affected than you are. Don't say you know, this time around you really don't, cause honestly, I didn't know I will be so dazed too.

His backview ingrained in my mind, I listened to the mindless ballads play out from the radio, letting it settle and out of my constant thoughts. It's weird seeing him, I wonder how different it will be if I was at the table at that point in time, will I shake his hand and laugh in his face? Or will I offer a weak hand and mumble a defeated hello? Or will I just stand there and stare, and wonder how he could have won your hand.

Intriging as to what runs through my mind, huh?

I thought for hours before my mind has nothing left but his backview layed out in front of my eyes, and deciding that was enough, I reached over to switch the radio off, cause for now, I need silence to hush me to sleep.